I was a very insecure child. I didn't fit in too well anywhere, and I was always unhappy with my health, and in particular how I looked. I would always tell myself that I was just a little bit too chubby and just a little bit too plain. There is a lot that can be said about society’s influence on children, but I’ll leave that for another blog post.
Towards the end of high school I had a number of spare time slots available in my daily schedule. I decided that I would join the nearby gym and start working out during this extra time to try to lose some weight. After all, I might not be able to change my face, but I was certain I could change my body. Exercising was a completely foreign concept for me, and in my family it was hard for my parents to understand why I would do this. I grew up in a family where exercise was ridiculed, and where sports were only for idiot jocks. At the time, though, I was fed up with feeling inadequate and I felt like exercise was going to hold the key to feeling better about myself.
However, it was really difficult for me to change my mindset around exercise and there were a number of barriers for me to break through to get started on what became a life-long journey of health.
First off, there was the recognition that had to come that exercise was a good thing. Given my family's attitude towards exercise, this was a big one. However there was also a lot of societal pressure on girls and women, and there still is today, to be skinny and pretty (more on this in a later blog post). There was also a lot in the media about exercise. So I, like many, many others, conflated exercise and being skinny, and used this as a way to convince myself that this was a good thing to do.
My parents didn’t stop me from exercising, but they didn’t support me either, and there were no exercise-related habits in our daily lives. My friends were similarly uninterested in the fact that I was exercising, and no one wanted to join me in my efforts. Sometimes, going it alone can be one of the hardest ways to accomplish anything.
Then, I had to find a way to exercise. I chose in the end to join the local health club, and it took a lot of bravery for me as a 17-year-old to go into the gym and join up, with no one there to support me. I chose that particular gym because it was the closest one to my school, but also because it had a women's only section to work out in. For reasons of insecurity it was important at the time that I wouldn't have to be working out where men could see me. I found the staff at the gym to be quite friendly and open, and they even showed me how to use the weight machines. I didn't really enjoy it very much when the male staff member used a caliper to "measure my body fat". In hindsight this is something that should never have been done on a 17 year old. All that notwithstanding, I did start working out at the gym.
And you know what? I started to feel better. Bit by bit, I could feel my body get stronger and my independence and confidence increased. To be honest, I probably didn't make a huge dent in my appearance, but my mental health and overall fitness definitely improved.
That said, there is another barrier that I have yet to break through in this, which is consistency. Fast forward to me as an adult and I've Incorporated exercise in all kinds of different ways in my life and differently in different periods of my life. I try some things and then I stop and do other things. Sometimes I find a style of exercise which I will come back to again and again, but this is usually sporadic. I am definitely a fair weather exerciser, but this should surprise no one given the barriers to entry to get here. I still pursue my exercise for the most part alone which may be part of the issue. Putting in place systems which support you, from habits to cheerleaders would help this a lot. What other ways could help improve consistency? Let me know in the comments.
As an adult, I have really enjoyed doing new and different exercises like indoor rock wall climbing, belly dancing, elliptical training, and hiking in the woods. I'm much stronger and healthier than I was when I was a teenager. Overall I have a much better relationship with exercise than I did in the past and I see the benefit of doing it. And when i'm in a groove doing regular exercise that I enjoy I feel really happy and proud of myself!
So you see I have changed a really important way in which I live my life. I’m not yet where I want to be with this, and I’m continually growing and changing my approach. But I did make the massive realization that to live a long, healthy, happy life that exercise would have to be a part of it.
Happy reading!
Rachel
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